心已死~

有些事情宁愿不想知道，因为知道以后我控制不了自己去往坏的方面去想~

前几个星期，我的电话坏了。我要求我爸让我换电话。首先，他自己在网上看看有哪几款电话。然后自己决定要买哪些电话。可是他选的电话不是我想要的，所以我一一拒绝了~然后他就问我我喜欢哪一款，我就说我喜欢S2。我跟他说我会自己出钱~

起初，他极力反对我的建议。可是到上个星期，我妈告诉我，我爸终于赞成我买。他会付RM900， 其余RM1000我自己出。我实在是很高兴。可是后来，我妈补充说，他会答应其实是因为我姐。他想给我姐换新电话，所以才答应的~ 他还问我妈，要是要换给我姐，他应该怎么办？我想他当下的想法是全数帮我姐付的~可是我妈阻止了，要他公平的付给我们两姐弟~

当天的心真是伤透了，有如千刀万剑刺穿我的心。虽然我从以前就知道他对我没什么好感，他做什么决定也都是把我姐放在我的前面~ 不管我做到多好，他都会觉得我做的还不够~

哎~这也就算了~到昨天，我们一家人去JJ想买电话。那家店只有黑色的（我要的），没有白色（我姐要的），加上不能用信用卡，所以我们没有收获。到了今天，我们又到了另一家店。同样的情况，不同的是这家有白没有黑~ 你猜结果怎样~当然是买了那台白手机啦~

我和我妈就说啊：“竟然白色已经买了，不如等下我们再去JJ买那个黑色的。”

我爸坚持不要，那说等这家店来货才来买~ 我当然就不甘愿啦~我妈就叫我姐去问我爸不买的原因~ 我爸说，在同一家店买，以后有什么事，在这一家店就能搞定~所有文件都能在这里找到~可是我觉得这理由很勉强。因为之前他有问店员如果电话有问题怎么办？那店员告诉他，我们必须去到总公司查询~换言之，他所说的文件这些分行一定会寄回给总公司的~可是我爸偏偏以这来当借口~

或许你们会说我多心，想太多。可是这三天所发生的事，我真的是对他失去所有的信心，所有的希望~我对他已经是心死了~我已作了这个决定。以后我对外界，我还会称他为父亲。可是实质上，他不会再得到我一点的爱~我做所有的事都不会为他而作。我不会再把他当作我做决定的中心。。。以后，他可以不理我，我不会再在意了~我的死活，也不必他来操心~ 他现在帮我付的学费，我以后会以养老费还回给他~

心灰，心淡，心冷，再也不能形容我对你的感觉了~
因为我对你已经心死了~

ice-breaking trip - Day 2

DAY 2

early morning at 7.15am, our senior come and give us so call morning call... is not phone us but come infront of our room and knock our door... well, im the only 1 wake up so i open the door. then i ready myself and at 8am the breakfast was here... then half of them wake up... this is the power of FOOD...

at 10am, we gather outside the hotel and report our attendance. then we move to gua tempurung... gua tempurung is a damn nice place... the mountain is magnificent... after a small briefing, we entered the cave in group and pairs (1 pair only have 1 torchlight)... inside the cave is quite warm... but the wall of the cave is a piece of art... if u have a good imaginary, then u can see alot of thing on the wall and rock.some of the good example are dolphin and seahorse. then after climbing about 1000+ of staircase, we arrive to 1 spot which we have to slide down... actually is quite fun sliding down at 1 of the wall... then there is the place where all adventure started... after that we have to walk and wet ourselves. some of the place we have to crawl like a soldier and all our body is wet... luckily we go there this month, if we go there in june/july, then the water is full with shit of bats... overall the adventure took us about 2hrs++. after that we planned to go hot spring becoz we got alot of time. but in the end we cancelled the plan becoz the hotspring is under maintenance. so we took our bathe and back to mmu... we took alot of picture station by station, and im happy to be part of TC. I LOVE TC~

ice-breaking trip - Day 1

ice-breaking trip for Tourism Club was awesome~ i get to know some new friends there... although my personality is stopping me to mix with them, still i know some, just SOME friends there... im sure that i will get along with them in the future, just give me some time... besides that, my senior they all are very nice.. they all are my sister's friends. so when they see im alone there, they will come and talk to me... they are very funny... we all talk bad about my sister... haha...

so now is time to talk about the activity we have done during the trip... first of all, we meet at STAD building at 7am. they we are divided into 6 group which is -气质，帅气，可爱，漂亮，风骚 *another group i 4get liao* so i was in 漂亮group. the first activity is we have a small ice-breaking among small group and think out a slogan for our group... after that we embark on our journey to tambun. as im alone, no friend join TC with me, and my sis din join this ice-breaking trip, so i was alone.... as im sitting alone on the bus, waiting the bus to move, our mr president-- ah beh come to sit with me... WOW~~ but becoz we both are still sleepy becoz wake up early, almost whole journey we din talk but slp... then at the half way, we stop to take lunch, baru the first time we talk... then he found out that im sah steph brother. after that, he quite jaga me dy...

12pm we arrive tambun. everything is still the same since our last visit to tambun. after reporting out attendance, we entered the lost world of tambun. memories flashing in when i entered tambun. well then we put our thing under the tent which our senior have booked earlier and we change to suitable outfit... after that, each group shout their slogan out and i find that our slogan is abit lame compare to other group. well that will not affect our spirit... after that, we start our first activity in tambun which is station game... its sound like amazing race to me... we were given station names, and we have to find for it... so, out of 4 games, we thought we won 3 game.. but at the end when they announced the position, we were at bottom 2... dunno how or wats the aspect they choose the winner... but never mind, we dun mind result but the process... wuahaha... *evil smile* hehe.. u all sure dunno y i smile/laugh evil-ly.. *related to girl*

after tiring games, i soaked myself at the man made sea with 1 of my member... we chit-chat there and only realise we got common friends(mutual friends).. haha... then after that, we pack out thing and go for dinner... well, this is the time when i think is the most boring wan.... all my member they join back to their so call old friends.. as i mentioned earlier, im ALONE!!! thats y i dunno how to spend my time... i simply choose 1 restaurant then order 芽菜鸡饭. just a minute after i start having my dinner, a bunch of senior come and sit with me... more than half of them are my sister friends.. so they all having dinner with me... but then after finished our dinner, i feel awkward to join all those senior... so we separated and im alone again... then i go mini pasar malam to spend my time... well, i walk for every single stall but i still have alot of time. then i change my mind. i decided to go for the shop there... well i saw SOMETHING accidentally at 1 of the cd shop... i saw them sell porn... but then i thought porn cd will sell secretly wan, mana tau they put those porn in a folder just beside the korean drama... *have to wash my eye*

then we check in a hotel. 13 of us share 1 room and dunno how the senior point me as the leader of that room which most of my roomate is older than me... but then luckily they all are quite nice as well... we play poker together and they even invite us to go mamak but somw of us rejected his invitation becoz we want to SLEEP!! thats how we end our DAY1~

19岁生日~

转眼间一年有过去了。。。我又老了一岁~

今年的生日，有些许不一样。今年我有吹蛋糕哦~已经好久没吹蛋糕了。多谢我那班好朋友。当天晚上也算瞒高兴的。因为我们有说有笑，而且还一起作弄嘉雯~ 当然最高兴的就是能收礼物和祝福啦。每年最期待的就是朋友们的生日祝福~尤其是那些很久没见的朋友，很想念的朋友，大家都给我祝福，真的太幸福了~最让我感动的就是和我一起当兵的一个好友竟然没忘记我的生日。真的是太感谢他了。。。生日除了礼物和祝福，当然少不了我父母的红包啦~虽然我不必打开红包封也知道里面装多少，可是我还是会很感激他们的~ 今年的生日到底和去年有什么不同呢？呵呵~ 那就是，我的姐姐请我吃蛋糕咯~是nadeje的千层糕~好吃到~~~~~~ 还有还有，我们还去了市镇的一家韩国餐馆。那里的店长知道是我的生日，还给了我们一些优惠和给我一个chocopie~那家餐馆的食物真的非常棒的咯~吃到我肚子快撑爆了~我们点了韩式煎饼，炒年糕，参鸡汤，烤肉和一锅泡菜锅~味道真是一绝啊~~

仔细回想上一年，还真的很多愿望未达成哦~我的最终愿望依然为实现~不过，我不急。这种东西是要慢慢来的~太急反而更不好~

这就是我19岁生日啦~平凡中带点温馨，就是我的人生~

cyberjaya, here i come~~

in less than a month, im shifting to cyberia to do my degree there... this is my second time leaving my home and stay alone at an unfamiliar place... well, im happy to do so becoz it is time for me to grow.. i cant always rely on people and hope everything will be done for me... during PLKN, i realise that staying alone there is not easy and everything u got to do it urself. therefore i become very hardworking and independent.. after i came back, i still remain this attitude but only for a month, mayb less than a month... i did all the morning physical training at home, keep my room clean and tidy... but this doesnt stay long, after that 'golden' period had passed, all my negative 'me' is back... i become so lazy, trying to avoid troublesome matters, rely much on people... and i hate this kind of me... im trying hard to 'erase' all this -ve 'me' from my life.. but it is difficult, becoz im staying with parents... my mom will help me to prepare food, wash my cloths and clean everything...

beside of my laziness, there is 1 more thing i have to improve... that is my attitude toward people... my mmu friends told me that im abit autistic... well, i cant deny that becoz i cant really open all my heart to them yet... instead of autistic, im more to introvert... i know this since im F3... becoz when i face problem, i dunno who should i share with... even if i share, i didnt share it 100%... i prefer to stay in my room think some rubbish thing. or mayb sometime when there is no one in my house, i will cover my mouth with pillow and shout out everything... this is the way i "share"... haha... well when i go to cyber, i have to share room with my friends. and i have to learn to trust people more, and share what i think... and i have to be more tolerant to every one since i have been told by sum1 that i sound like a chief.. haiz~~ *this really hurts me*

this and this is not easy to change becoz it is part of me for 19yr. but i will try to be a better man, i wont let u down... i wont let myself down either... just give me some time, i will proof to u that i can be a better man.... well, that all for this time... see ya~

p/s: looooooong time din use english to write essay/long paragraph, i know there r bunch of grammatical errors here and there. just bare with it ya~ haha...